time for reflection

Last Monday here in meridian there was a story in the news about a murder suicide of a man killing his 8 month old baby and then shooting himself. I could not get over how horrible it all was. the next day I learned the names of the story and it wa a family I knew from church. I had never met the dad (he worked on Sundays) but I knew the mom and the little baby he was born just three weeks after Bella last may.
Lacy and her husband were separated and her husband had the baby for the day, she was on the phone to the dad and he was saying things that worried her and she called the police. when they got to the house they found both the baby and the dad dead on the floor he had shot the baby and then himself. Lacy was supposed to pick up Bekm that evening.
This completely beaks my heart. Ever since I heard about what happened I could not stop thinking and mourning over this tragic loss. I am hoping that writing it down will help me feel better. first of all how could someone do that? to that poor baby. it is horrible. Poor lacy, to deal with a separation, and then the death of her husband and of her son who was killed by her husband. MY heart grieves for her. the pain she must be feeling. The anger too that goes along this this horrible sorrow, I cannot imagine.
The funeral today was absolutely beautiful. It broke my heart to see that small casket being wheeled in, there was a viewing beforehand, but I could not bring myself to look at that sweet baby lying there.
She had a ton of family there the congregation filled the whole chapel and over half of the gym. I am so glad she has such a large support group. She will need it. They had a cute life sketch of Bekm and it lightened the mood a bit talking about how he was a good drool-er and kisser and just started crawling.
I think about how absolutely unbearable this situation would be if I didn't have the gospel in my life. It must be the only thing bringing that family peace and hope during this horrible time. I know that Lacy will be able to raise Bekm again after the Resurrection, that they can be together forever.
“… The only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Notwithstanding all this glory, we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope.” Joseph Smith. He also told a mother who recently lost a child, "that she should have the joy, the pleasure, and the satisfaction of rearing that child, after the resurrection, until it reached the full stature of its spirit; and that it would be a far greater joy than she could possibly have in mortality, because she would be free from the sorrow and fear and disabilities of mortal life, and she would know more than she could know in this life."
Sweet little Bekm and all other children who die so young will not have to endure all the trials of this world, they just needed a body and now they get to live with their Father in Heaven again
This song was sung at the funeral called a mothers prayer,
A Mother's Prayer by Celion Dion

"I pray you'll be my eyes
And watch her where she goes
And help her to be wise
Help me to let go

Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe

I pray she finds your light
And holds it in her heart
As darkness falls each night
Remind her where you are

Every mother's prayer
Every child knows
Need to find a place
Guide her to a place
Give her faith so she'll be safe

Lead her to a place
Guide her with your grace
To a place where she'll be safe."

I pray that her family can find peace, can remember what a sweet boy he was and that they can be with him again someday and to live their lives accordingly.

Something else that I was reminded of today is the common thinking How can an all powerful God allow a horrible thing like that to happen to a sweet and innocent baby? I know that it hurts God to watch his children making mistakes, but that was all part of the plan we are all given our agency to do what is right and he can not force us to do anything. This life is a test to see how we obey the commandments.

One of the things I took with me most today is to truly love and cherish every moment with my family especially my sweet children. it could have easily been one of them lying in that casket today and I am so thankful it was not, but I have to love them like each day could be their last. This week I have been reminded of this precious truth that they will only be little once, I have spent more time cuddled up reading books in bed with them, More time watching their favorite cartoon on the couch with them on my lap than running upstairs to check my email. More time rocking Bella and singing to her than to rush her off to bed. Less time doing dishes, more time doing a puzzle. more time tickling, playing hide a seek and Simon says. I love to wrap my arms around them both so often and tell them how lucky I am to have such wonderful kids just like them. I love them both so much and it is one of my worst fears to lose either of them, but I can not focus on that, I have them here now I must make this time count!
tonight in their bath, having a great time!